Dear Diabetes

I FEEL LIKE A NINJA

Dear Diabetes,

Yesterday, I broke a board. Yep all Tony Robins style in front of an entire room full of people and…

I cried. 

Of course I did.

We were asked to write a mental block that had been holding us back from achieving our dreams. Man, I went deep. It was intense. I sat there and really thought about things that were holding me back and in a stream of consciousness wrote:

I’m too loud

I’m too big

I don’t belong

I shouldn’t exist

I’m a burden

Yup, there it is…I’m a burden. My existence is a burden on the world. That’s how I feel sometimes – LOTS lately. My body is making it so I can’t drive so I have to ask Craig to drive me places – 3 hours to bring me to this workshop – and, it’s making my head so dizzy that half the time I don’t know what I’m saying so I’m confusing people and situations. And, on and on and on…I’ve always felt like a burden at times since I was little but lately it’s a whole lot of the time. You, diabetes have caused so many problems that effect people other than me and I hate it. 

So, smashing through that board was cathartic. I wasn’t able to smash it the first time, but on the second try it was sweet sweet victory and I’ll never forget it. I felt like Rocky winning his epic fight. 

The craziest part about it was that I had to become what I consider a burden in order to break through the board. My vertigo (brought on, I believe, by you, diabetes) was SUPER awful. I almost didn’t go up to break the board because I was so dizzy, couldn’t focus and the room was spinning but I was determined. So as I went up there and failed the first time, some of the people in the room rallied around me. Two guys stood behind me spotting me incase I fell, they brought a chair and truly had my back. When I let go of trying to take care of them so I wasn’t a burden, I was able to focus and muster up the emotion to just smash through that board. And, I did. I smashed it right in half and then I had this completely cleansing cry – half because of emotion and half because my body was just shaking and I wasn’t feeling great physically. 

It was such an incredible lesson for me to let people help if they choose to. Those guys felt so great being able to be there for me (they told me so) and it made all the difference. 

Anyway, I’m going back to day 2 where I’m going to work on an outreach plan to be able to talk to high school kids about overcoming obstacles just like the obstacle of feeling like a burden – an obstacle I don’t have in my way to my dreams anymore. It feels so good.