Last week I decided to start blogging again. It had been over a year (maybe almost over 2 – I’m so incredibly bad with time) since I had posted a blog here and I had stopped because I was in such turmoil about so many things in life that it just seemed so heavy to be blogging.
So, the decision to start blogging again was not an easy one for me to make.
Once I decided though, I logged back in only to find that I had let my account lapse to the point of non-existence. After several hours on the phone with the hosting company, the decision was made to just completely start over. This seems to be the theme of the pandemic for me. Lots of eliminating, sitting with myself, really deciding what it is I want to keep doing and what I want to let go of. So…losing everything and having to start over was super appropriate. lol.
Now, I had been blogging in “real fashion” for years with fretting over the right title, the right cover image, the right layout of each blog being a big part of it.
It was all just so overwhelming that when I decided to start blogging again, I decided to sort of just do it for me. I need an outlet for my thoughts and I love sharing the things I’m doing. Lots of my friends love to journal and I’ve tried that in the past, but the way that most of them describe how they feel when journaling is the way I feel when I write and hit the post button. I write to express myself and the bi-product is a hope that it will help someone else if they are going through a similar thing.
I love the idea of relating to people.
So, I sat at my computer all day on Saturday feeling giddy about creating this very special place for self-expression.
A little context for this next part – the part that I hope will make you giggle because that’s what it did for me – is that this self-expression perspective is a new one. I mean, it’s always been there but it was like the quiet kid in class who just did what the teacher told them to do. You “have to” do it this way or you “have to” do it that way. I was an obedient little student and the payoff for my obedience was almost non-existent.
Now, with this new perspective, I feel like I’ve blossomed into the tenured teacher standing in front of the class. The teacher who doesn’t just tell the kids what they should or shouldn’t be doing, no. no., this teacher is like the teacher that Robin Williams played in the movie DEAD POETS SOCIETY who listens as much as she speaks and adjusts to the rhythm of life and understands that things should be both good for others as well as for the self.
So, today as I was breathing through some anxiety I was feeling for not posting in the blog everyday because “that’s what you’re ‘supposed’ to do,” I got a message from NaNoWriMo asking if they could share one of the posts I made in my blog based on their prompts for #InstaWriMo (on Instagram). When I read that message, I immediately told them yes! And, then I chuckled to myself and started singing Alanis Morissette‘s song ISN’T IT IRONIC because this is the type of publicity I could have only dreamed of when I was blogging the way I “should” be and fretting over every last thing and here I am just doing this blog because of the joy it brings me and…bam.
Oh man. I am just sitting here chuckling again as I write this because life is sooooo funny.
I wanted to share this with you because if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 40 plus years on this earth, it’s that there’s a million ways to do everything. It’s so important that we all take some time to figure out how we operate, what makes us happy and then find a way to bring that into the work we want to do in the world.
I enjoy blogging because I enjoy sharing and writing but that was all squashed by the voices saying I could only do that successfully if I did it in a certain way. Wouldn’t it be hilarious if this blog became a success with no cover images, no SEO and just based on the fact that what I’m sharing comes from my heart? One can only hope.